A Full Life

Setting Priorities

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember this story about a jar and two glasses of wine.

A professor stood before his philosophy class with some items in front of him.  When the class began, he picked up a Costco-size jar and filled it with golf balls until he couldn’t cram another one in.  He then said, “I guess the jar is full, huh?” They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar.  He shook the jar lightly and the pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.  He said, “Now the jar is really full, right?” And everyone nodded in agreement. 

Next the professor poured a bag of sand into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.  He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous, “Yes!”’

The instructor then produced two glasses of wine from under the table and poured them into the jar, effectively filling the empty spaces in the sand. The students laughed.

“Now,” said the professor as the laughter subsided, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things—your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions—and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

“The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car. The sand is everything else—the small stuff.

“If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued, “there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.”

He concluded, “People should pay attention to the things that are critical to their happiness: spend time with your children, and parents and grandparents.  Take time to get medical checkups.  Take your spouse out to dinner. Play games.

“There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.  Take care of the golf balls first—the things that really matter. The rest is just sand.”

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the wine represented. The professor smiled and said, “I’m glad you asked.  The wine just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a glass of wine with a friend.”

This article was originally published in Pathways Residential Care Journal - Issue 5.  To download this issue in PDF format, or past issues, visit our newsletter archives online at www.pathwayshealth.org/publications.

Managing Stress

Set Worries Down

The instructor of a stress management class walked into the room holding out a half glass of water. Everyone in the class thought they knew what was coming: “Is the glass half full or half empty?”

But the instructor surprised the students by asking with a smile, “How heavy do you think this glass of water is?”  People called out answers ranging from 6 ounces to 20 ounces.

The teacher replied, “It changes.  It depends on how long I hold it—the absolute weight doesn’t matter.  If I hold it a minute, it is light.  If I hold it an hour, it is heavy and I will have an ache in my arm.  If I hold it for a day, it will be too heavy to lift and I will drop it. 

“It seems the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.  If, however, I set it down when it feels heavy and rest a while, I have the strength to hold it again.

“It is the same way with stress,” she said.  “If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, the burden becomes too heavy and we won’t be able to carry on.

“Just like with the glass of water, you have to put down your burdens for a while and rest before shouldering them again.  When you are refreshed, you will be able to take up the burden, stronger again.”

So, put aside your burdens whenever you can; they will still be there after you have rested and you will be able to carry on as strong as ever.

This article was originally published in Pathways Residential Care Journal - Issue 4.  To download this issue in PDF format, or past issues, visit our newsletter archives online at www.pathwayshealth.org/publications.

Grief: A Process

Feeling a Loss

Grief is the emotional suffering caused by a loss. It often begins before the loss, like the sadness upon learning that a resident or a loved one does not have long to live.  Spouses and others grieve for the companionship they will lose and dreams that won’t happen, that life will be changed forever.

Natural Process

Grief is a natural part of life. People express it in their own ways.  There is no timetable for grief and there is no right or wrong way to grieve.  It can come and go. 

Grief takes different forms at different times.  At first, the bereaved person may feel disbelief and expect to see their loved one even though they know the person is gone. 

They may also feel anger at being “abandoned” by the loved one.  Or they may feel guilt—for the anger, for still being here, or for things they may have said or done (or didn’t say or do).  These feelings are all normal.

When to Get Help

But there are times when grief is so intense or so prolonged that the health of the bereaved person is at risk.  There are some signs that let us know a person may need help in coping with their grief.

Although deep sadness is a natural part of bereavement, in some individuals death triggers a lasting depression that may cause withdrawal from friends and family, thoughts of suicide and lack of energy.   This is one of the times when outside help is needed.

Mild weight loss, fatigue, insomnia and anxiety may be expected early on.  But it may be time for the grieving person to see their doctor or a mental health professional if after three months or so you see:

• Intense feelings are not starting to lighten.
• Excessive weight gain or weight loss.
• More than 12 or less than 4 hours sleep a night.
• Constant crying.

For more information about grief support services available at no cost from Pathways, visit us online at www.pathwayshealth.org or call 1.888.755.7855.

Power of Positive Thinking

A series of lab experiments conducted in Europe found that those patients who expect their analgesics to work get relief from their pain.  Those who were told their painkillers had been discontinued had more pain, even though they were actually continuing to receive the same dose. A patient’s expectations about the effectiveness of a pain drug appear to override the properties of the drug itself.

Scans Illustrate Phenomenon

Patient MRI scans conducted during the research show that, “volunteers had more activity in areas of the brain involved in memory and anxiety when they were expecting pain versus when they were expecting relief.  When the volunteers were told the drug would work, there was a boost in brain activity in areas associated with fighting pain,” says study author Dr. Ulrike Bingel, from the department of neurology at the University of Hamburg Medical Center in Germany.

Although the placebo effect is well documented, there is less research on the “nocebo” effect, in which patients have negative experiences when warned about the side effects or lack of effectiveness of a treatment, even if they are taking a placebo.

“This tells me that when we’re talking to patients and presenting therapy, the more positive we are about how the therapy is going to impact them, the better outcomes we’re going to have,” says Carla Rubingh, a pain management specialist and assistant professor of pharmacy practice at the University of Nebraska Medical Center in Omaha who was not involved in the study. 

Benefits of the Mind-Body Connection

Pathways is home to an innovative Integrative Therapies Program that includes guided imagery and meditation to help patients find comfort and relief.  Relaxation techniques use the mind-body connection to achieve relaxation. Using simple suggestions, the practitioner guides the patient or family member to make the changes they wish to achieve in their physical or emotional state. This is very effective in reducing stress and anxiety, and is helpful in pain management.

For more information about Integrative Therapies at Pathways visit our website and Integrative Therapies resource page for caregivers.