REMEMBERING
Soon it will be holiday time again and reminders of their loss are everywhere for those who are grieving. Traditionally this is a time of joy, sharing of memories, warmth, peace, and coming together in love.
For those who are grieving, the holidays are
also a vivid reminder of those that are so dearly missed. Add to this
the common expectation that all should be as it was and many grieving
families find the holiday season to be the most difficult time of the
year.
The period after the death of a loved one is a
journey through grief. We cannot forget and we cannot bury the pain.
It is not easy. Our hearts, minds and bodies are grieving and not
functioning in their full capacities, as though part of us is missing.
Yet, we don’t have to hide from our
experience of grief. These are natural feelings–they are all a part of
the process–we can share them, we can accept them, we can feel them.
WAYS OF COPING
As the holidays approach, start with a blank
slate. Accept that you may not have the energy or inclination to
accomplish all the things that you or others have come to expect during
the holidays.
Rather than do things automatically, discuss
and think about what you really want to do, what you don’t want to do,
and what will be difficult but you want to try. We encourage people not
to be afraid to make changes in traditions or start new ones.
Equally important is to acknowledge how you
feel. It will be a sad time. Many recently bereaved worry they will
spoil the holidays for others. According to families Pathways has
counseled, the most painful thing is when they try to keep their
feelings inside.
If friends or family members take the
initiative to talk about the person who has died, it relieves the
tension and creates an opportunity for sharing.
MANAGING YOUR GRIEF
While there are no universal methods for healing and coping, there are some concrete things you can do that may make the holidays easier and provide an opportunity to honor those you love who have died.
Acknowledge your grief; accept yourself in whatever mood you find yourself.
- Remember you are not alone. Attend a remembrance event or grief support group.
- Make some personal choices based on your level and what is right for you.
- Give yourself permission to let go of certain traditions–it’s okay to make changes.
- Share your plans with others; let them know how they can help you.
- Reserve time to honor your loved quietly, alone or with others: light a candle, place a photograph on the table, share memories, make a memorial donation.
And finally, as you navigate through your grief
this holiday season keep your loved one in your heart and remember to
care for yourself.
