Dementia and the Holidays

As fun as the coming holidays can be, they can be packed with hazards for people with dementia. It means caregivers and families need to be especially vigilant about the safety.

Many decorations look like food and may even smell like the real thing. For instance, a Christmas tree decoration that looks like a gingerbread man may be even scented with gingerbread smell—making doubly appealing to try to eat. Other small decorations can be choking hazards. Artificial fruits, vegetables and nuts can look very real.

Candles that smell like pumpkin or apple pie can be a fire hazard if tipped over if a person reaches into it. Poinsettia leaves, contrary to popular belief, are not poisonous—but they will make a resident nauseated if he or she eats them.

People with dementia need routines—the same activities, in the same place, at the same time. Families should consider this carefully before deciding to take a loved one home for a holiday. The excitement, the car ride, change in surroundings and many people talking can cause the confused person with dementia to become agitated or upset.

Here are some tips for family members planning to take a loved one home for a holiday.

Planning

• Plan ahead. Let the facility staff know several days ahead so they have time to obtain medications and clothes.
• Allow extra time for everything, don’t rush the person.
• Try to keep as much as possible to their daily routine.

Decorations

• Use ribbon instead of sharp hooks when hanging decorations.
• Holly and mistletoe can be poisonous and berries pose a choking hazard.

Festivities

• Begin new traditions by letting another family be the host but try to go to a place familiar to your loved one.  
• Assign tasks to other family members so you do not become overloaded and stressed, which in turn causes your loved one to be stressed.
• Provide a nap before festivities. If you know the day will be long, you may want to attend only the most important part of the event.
• Plan for a quiet place for your loved one to go to if he or she becomes overwhelmed.
• Avoid alcohol.
• Be aware of their diet and diet restrictions. Cut up food into small bites.

Visitors

• Let your loved one know who is coming to visit.
• Have visitors and family call ahead to determine best time to visit.
• Small groups of visitors or family is advisable. Have them wear name tags as this might help with recognition.
• Reintroduce yourself as necessary. “Mary, my name is Betty.” And when she asks, “Are you my granddaughter?” say “yes” and shake her hand and act very comfortable about this introduction.
• If your loved one begins talking about the past, try not to reorient him or tell him he is wrong. Enter his reality and live his truth. Ask about the past memory.

Activities

• Reminisce about the past.
• Play holiday music familiar to your loved one.
• Read holiday cards aloud.
• Stuff stockings, watch a holiday video, look at family slides or pictures or albums, read scriptures, etc.

The Kitchen

• Monitor your loved one while in the kitchen.
• Give your loved one task to help with baking or decorating. Try baking cookies, making pudding, folding napkins, polishing silver, etc.
• Always check the microwave before turning on in case something was put in that is flammable.
• Check all trash cans before throwing out garbage

Shopping

• Don’t leave your loved one in the car or in the front of the store.  If you can’t take them in with you, try to arrange for someone to stay with your loved one.
• Shop during hours when stores are less crowded.
• Dress your loved one in a bright yellow shirt which is easy to see if you become separated. Be sure they have a purse or wallet with identification.
• Shop in smaller stores rather than the mall.

Travel

• People with dementia should never travel alone. Hire a personal care aid to travel if a family member is unable to accompany the resident.
• Be aware of balconies and other hazards in hotels.
• Travel may not be appropriate even with a companion if the person has:

1. Consistent disorientation or agitation in familiar settings
2. Wanting to go home when away from home on short visits
3. Delusional, paranoid, aggressive or disinhibited behavior
4. Problems managing continence
5. Teary, anxious, withdrawn behavior in crowded, noisy settings
6. Agitated or wandering behavior

Additional resources for caregivers.

Grief & The Holidays: A Time of Challenge & Hope

REMEMBERING

Soon it will be holiday time again and reminders of their loss are everywhere for those who are grieving. Traditionally this is a time of joy, sharing of memories, warmth, peace, and coming together in love.

For those who are grieving, the holidays are also a vivid reminder of those that are so dearly missed. Add to this the common expectation that all should be as it was and many grieving families find the holiday season to be the most difficult time of the year. 

The period after the death of a loved one is a journey through grief. We cannot forget and we cannot bury the pain. It is not easy. Our hearts, minds and bodies are grieving and not functioning in their full capacities, as though part of us is missing. 

Yet, we don’t have to hide from our experience of grief. These are natural feelings–they are all a part of the process–we can share them, we can accept them, we can feel them.

WAYS OF COPING

As the holidays approach, start with a blank slate. Accept that you may not have the energy or inclination to accomplish all the things that you or others have come to expect during the holidays. 

Rather than do things automatically, discuss and think about what you really want to do, what you don’t want to do, and what will be difficult but you want to try. We encourage people not to be afraid to make changes in traditions or start new ones.

Equally important is to acknowledge how you feel. It will be a sad time. Many recently bereaved worry they will spoil the holidays for others. According to families Pathways has counseled, the most painful thing is when they try to keep their feelings inside.

If friends or family members take the initiative to talk about the person who has died, it relieves the tension and creates an opportunity for sharing.

MANAGING YOUR GRIEF 

While there are no universal methods for healing and coping, there are some concrete things you can do that may make the holidays easier and provide an opportunity to honor those you love who have died.

  
Acknowledge your grief; accept yourself in whatever mood you find yourself.

• Remember you are not alone. Attend a remembrance event or grief support group.
• Make some personal choices based on your level and what is right for you.
• Give yourself permission to let go of certain traditions–it’s okay to make changes.
• Share your plans with others; let them know how they can help you.
• Reserve time to honor your loved quietly, alone or with others: light a candle, place a photograph on the table, share memories, make a memorial donation.

And finally, as you navigate through your grief this holiday season keep your loved one in your heart and remember to care for yourself.

Dementia and the Holidays

As fun as the coming holidays can be, they can be packed with hazards for people with dementia. It means caregivers and families need to be especially vigilant about the safety.

Many decorations look like food and may even smell like the real thing.  For instance, a Christmas tree decoration that looks like a gingerbread man may be even scented with gingerbread smell—making doubly appealing to try to eat.  Other small decorations can be choking hazards.  Artificial fruits, vegetables and nuts can look very real.

Candles that smell like pumpkin or apple pie can be a fire hazard if tipped over if a person reaches into it.  Poinsettia leaves, contrary to popular belief, are not poisonous—but they will make a resident nauseated if he or she eats them.

People with dementia need routines—the same activities, in the same place, at the same time.  Families should consider this carefully before deciding to take a loved one home for a holiday.  The excitement, the car ride, change in surroundings and many people talking can cause the confused person with dementia to become agitated or upset.

Here are some tips for family members planning to take a loved one home for a holiday.

Planning

• Plan ahead.  Let the facility staff know several days ahead so they have time to obtain medications and clothes.
• Allow extra time for everything, don’t rush the person.
• Try to keep as much as possible to their daily routine.

Decorations

• Use ribbon instead of sharp hooks when hanging decorations.
• Holly and mistletoe can be poisonous and berries pose a choking hazard.

Festivities

• Begin new traditions by letting another family be the host but try to go to a place familiar to your loved one.  
• Assign tasks to other family members so you do not become overloaded and stressed, which in turn causes your loved one to be stressed.
• Provide a nap before festivities. If you know the day will be long, you may want to attend only the most important part of the event.
• Plan for a quiet place for your loved one to go to if he or she becomes overwhelmed.
• Avoid alcohol.
• Be aware of their diet and diet restrictions. Cut up food into small bites.

Visitors

• Let your loved one know who is coming to visit.
• Have visitors and family call ahead to determine best time to visit.
• Small groups of visitors or family is advisable. Have them wear name tags as this might help with recognition.
• Reintroduce yourself as necessary. “Mary, my name is Betty.” And when she asks, “Are you my granddaughter?” say “yes” and shake her hand and act very comfortable about this introduction.
• If your loved one begins talking about the past, try not to reorient him or tell him he is wrong.  Enter his reality and live his truth.  Ask about the past memory.

Activities

• Reminisce about the past.
• Play holiday music familiar to your loved one.
• Read holiday cards aloud.
• Stuff stockings, watch a holiday video, look at family slides or pictures or albums, read scriptures, etc.

The Kitchen

• Monitor your loved one while in the kitchen.
• Give your loved one task to help with baking or decorating. Try baking cookies, making pudding, folding napkins, polishing silver, etc.
• Always check the microwave before turning on in case something was put in that is flammable.
• Check all trash cans before throwing out garbage

Shopping

• Don’t leave your loved one in the car or in the front of the store.  If you can’t take them in with you, try to arrange for someone to stay with your loved one.
• Shop during hours when stores are less crowded.
• Dress your loved one in a bright yellow shirt which is easy to see if you become separated. Be sure they have a purse or wallet with identification.
• Shop in smaller stores rather than the mall.

Travel

• People with dementia should never travel alone.  Hire a personal care aid to travel if a family member is unable to accompany the resident.
• Be aware of balconies and other hazards in hotels.
• Travel may not be appropriate even with a companion if the person has:

1. Consistent disorientation or agitation in familiar settings
2. Wanting to go home when away from home on short visits
3. Delusional, paranoid, aggressive or disinhibited behavior
4. Problems managing continence
5. Teary, anxious, withdrawn behavior in crowded, noisy settings
6. Agitated or wandering behavior

Please visit our website to download additional resources for Caregivers.

Grief and the Holidays

Remembering

With the holidays come reminders of their loss for those who are grieving.  Others are savoring a time of joy, sharing memories, and coming together in love. For those who are grieving, the holidays are a vivid reminder of who is NOT there.

Many grieving people find this the most difficult time of the year.  They cannot forget and cannot bury the pain.  Their hearts, minds and bodies are grieving and not functioning in their full capacities, as though part of them is missing.  These are natural feelings—they are all a part of the process—they can share them, accept them, and feel them.

Ways of Coping

 
As the holidays approach, it may help for those who are grieving to start with a blank slate. Accept that they may not have the energy or desire to accomplish all the things that people have come to expect during the holidays.

Rather than do things automatically, they can discuss and think about what they really want to do, what they don’t want to do, and what will be difficult but they want to try anyway.  Grief experts encourage people not to be afraid to change traditions or start new ones.

Equally important is to acknowledge how one feels.  Many recently bereaved worry they will spoil the holidays for others.  According to families Pathways has counseled, the most painful thing is when they try to keep their feelings inside. 

If friends or family members take the initiative to talk about the person who has died, it relieves the tension and creates an opportunity for sharing. 

Managing Grief

 
While there are no universal methods for healing and coping, there are some concrete things a person can do that may make the holidays easier and provide an opportunity to honor loved ones who have died.  

Grieving families can:

• Acknowledge the grief; accept whatever mood occurs.
• Remember they are not alone.  Attend a remembrance event or grief support group.
• Give themselves permission to let go of certain traditions—it’s okay to make changes.
• Share plans with others; let them know how they can help.
• Reserve time to honor the loved one quietly, alone or with others—light a candle, place a photograph on the table, share memories, or make a memorial donation.

And finally, grieving family members should remember to care for themselves at this time.