Pathways participates in SVGives May 6th Campaign

Pathways Home Health & Hospice is participating in the one-day SVGives campaign. You should start seeing social media promotions from numerous non-profits that serve residents in the San Francisco Bay Area about this event. SVGives is scheduled for May 6^th.   

Here is a brief video that explains what SVGives is and how through the power of coming together, we can bring services and comfort to those who need it the most in our communities.

Learn More about SVGives

A Hospice Volunteer Breaks Barriers with Bubbles

by Sherry Rayner, Pathways Hospice Volunteer

The most heart wrenching yet fulfilling cases I’ve had as a Hospice volunteer has been with Pathways KIDS. During this time, I have learned that flexibility is the key and there is always a way to communicate.

My last case was with a Vietnamese family in East San Jose. Their youngest son, Jefferson Vu, was a 4-month-old patient who had a rare genetic disease. My job was to entertain his energetic 3-year-old brother, Truman, so their mother, Tam Vu, could get some much-needed rest and tend to her baby without interruption.

My initial contact by telephone was with the father, Ho Vu, who spoke English fluently. I knew he would be away when I visited each week. My concern was how I would communicate with the patient’s mother and brother, as I knew their English was limited.

As my first visit approached, I felt both anxious and excited. I carried a huge canvas tote bag filled with lots of toys, books and videos. Upon knocking on the front door of their condo, I was greeted by a sweet, smiling young woman and her active and excited 3-year-old son, Truman. Leaving my shoes at the door with families, I was graciously welcomed in.

I was then introduced to their precious baby boy, Jefferson. He was lying very still on a pink satin pillowcase in the middle of their big bed. In direct contrast to the rambunctious Truman, Jefferson was very still, tiny and fragile. He sounded like a wounded baby kitten when he cried. When he opened his eyes you saw big brown eyes looking back at you. His face would light up with the most radiant smile when spoken to softly.

Meanwhile, Truman anxiously eyed my canvas bag to see what I’d brought. Not being able to contain his curiosity any longer, we opened the bag. Out came a small nerf ball and a suction – cupped basketball hoop to put on their closet door. Truman was soon animation in action as he jumped and leaped trying to make a basket. When he made a basket, his Mom and I would clap with joy. During this time, Jefferson, the baby, slept soundly. There were two completely different worlds going on in one small bedroom.

Each week Truman would discover a new item in the canvas bag. Soon, he was helping me carry the bag up the stairs. The biggest hit of all was the “Bubble Machine.” Truman and I would go outside to the porch and play with a battery-operated bubble machine. At the flick of a switch, hundreds of tiny iridescent bubbles filled the air. Soon an excited little boy, ran, jumped, and squealed with joy. The smile on his face was only outdone by the sound of his giggles. He’d race around trying to catch every bubble, breaking it or holding it, letting them crash into him with glee. Needless to say he was hooked on the bubble machine and caught me by surprise when in English he’d ask for bubbles every visit.

One particular week, we were lying looking through his English/Vietnamese Kids Picture Dictionary when he focused on the medical page. He quickly pulled up his pant leg and showed me his scratch. I then showed him a scar I had on my leg. Much to my surprise he leaned over and kissed my “boo boo.” Tears welled up in my eyes as I held him and said, “Thank you, it’s all better now.” I was no longer worried about how we would communicate.

We played together for six months and in January 2007 Jefferson peacefully passed on, at home, in his mother’s loving arms with his brother and Daddy close by. What a cherished journey, never to be forgotten. I’ve learned there are always ways to reach out, but never imagined a bubble machine would be one of them.

About Sherry Rayner

Sherry Rayner has volunteered with Pathways Hospice for over 20 years. With her art teacher education and professional graphic design experience, Sherry is known for the creativity that she brings to her volunteer work. She began volunteering with Pathways after raising a family, care giving for several family members and volunteering with several other organizations. Known for brightening the days of patients of all ages, Sherry has recently specialized in the unique concerns of Pathways KIDS and their families.

Grief & The Holidays: A Time of Challenge & Hope

REMEMBERING

Soon it will be holiday time again and reminders of their loss are everywhere for those who are grieving. Traditionally this is a time of joy, sharing of memories, warmth, peace, and coming together in love.

For those who are grieving, the holidays are also a vivid reminder of those that are so dearly missed. Add to this the common expectation that all should be as it was and many grieving families find the holiday season to be the most difficult time of the year. 

The period after the death of a loved one is a journey through grief. We cannot forget and we cannot bury the pain. It is not easy. Our hearts, minds and bodies are grieving and not functioning in their full capacities, as though part of us is missing. 

Yet, we don’t have to hide from our experience of grief. These are natural feelings–they are all a part of the process–we can share them, we can accept them, we can feel them.

WAYS OF COPING

As the holidays approach, start with a blank slate. Accept that you may not have the energy or inclination to accomplish all the things that you or others have come to expect during the holidays. 

Rather than do things automatically, discuss and think about what you really want to do, what you don’t want to do, and what will be difficult but you want to try. We encourage people not to be afraid to make changes in traditions or start new ones.

Equally important is to acknowledge how you feel. It will be a sad time. Many recently bereaved worry they will spoil the holidays for others. According to families Pathways has counseled, the most painful thing is when they try to keep their feelings inside.

If friends or family members take the initiative to talk about the person who has died, it relieves the tension and creates an opportunity for sharing.

MANAGING YOUR GRIEF 

While there are no universal methods for healing and coping, there are some concrete things you can do that may make the holidays easier and provide an opportunity to honor those you love who have died.

  
Acknowledge your grief; accept yourself in whatever mood you find yourself.

• Remember you are not alone. Attend a remembrance event or grief support group.
• Make some personal choices based on your level and what is right for you.
• Give yourself permission to let go of certain traditions–it’s okay to make changes.
• Share your plans with others; let them know how they can help you.
• Reserve time to honor your loved quietly, alone or with others: light a candle, place a photograph on the table, share memories, make a memorial donation.

And finally, as you navigate through your grief this holiday season keep your loved one in your heart and remember to care for yourself.

Romance Reduces Pain

New Love

The dizzy stage of early romantic love seems to reduce the sensation of physical pain.  So say the results of research at Stanford University School of Medicine.  The participants reported significantly lower levels of pain when looking at pictures of their beloved than when viewing photos of friends.

“Love engages very deep primitive reward systems that directly impact on our overall experience of pain,” says researcher Sean Mackey, whose team looked at the effects of romantic feelings on pain.

Fifteen students, aged 19-21, who were in the first nine months of a romantic relationship and described themselves as “intensely in love” were recruited for the experiment.  They were instructed to bring a photo of their sweetheart as well as one of a good-looking acquaintance of the same sex as the sweetheart.

While sitting in an MRI scanner to record their brain activity, the students held a block whose temperature could be controlled to cause high, moderate or no pain.  Their pain ratings were noted while focusing on the picture of their loved one, the acquaintance, and a word-puzzle distraction.

Both the photos of romantic partners and the distraction puzzle reduced pain by nearly identical amounts.  But the students had significantly less pain relief when looking at the photos of the attractive acquaintance.

Although the sweetheart photos and word puzzles both provided relief, they worked in different parts of the brain.  The part of the brain activated by love was the brain’s reward center which is also activated by chocolate and drugs like cocaine.

It turns out that the writers of all those romantic songs and poems were right—love truly is a powerful thing.

This article was originally published in Pathways & Partners - Issue 25.  To download this issue in PDF format, or past issues, visit our newsletter archives online at www.pathwayshealth.org/publications.